Girl Talk! Why am I Ugly.

Hey girls (and guys!)

Welcome to another girl talk sesh. Today's all about being "ugly." I know, just stay with me!

Sad because you realize you're as ugly as Kim when she cries? You're not alone. In fact, if you're reading this then you have probably been caught at a bad angle, seen a double chin and started to rethink your life, tried to take the perfect selfie and still felt boring, or wanted to fit into those jeans and try out that hairstyle and just think mehhhh, I'm just not that attractive to pull this off. Well, today you'll learn how to not feel ugly anymore, but it all depends on how you want to think.

Here's the secret: even the most beautiful models in the world and the best looking people have that one thing, or things, that they would want to change, or hide, get rid of, or fix in some shape or form. Then, a lot of them do just that. Whether it's getting false hair extensions, false acrylic nails, false lash extensions, microblading tattoo eyebrows, or something more like a little bit of botox in their cheekbones or brow bone, a breast augmentation, a butt lift or a tummy tuck...there are SO MANY various alterations that our generation's "Instagram models" have had done, including some of us. It could be physical alterations like the ones I've described, or digital, like our good ol' friend, Facetune and Photoshop. Or better yet, the pre-made Instagram and Snapchat filters (those really go hard). 

So, don't be surprised when your brain has nothing but a perfected image of beauty memorized, to then see a raw photo of your normal face and think you're ugly. It's really not your fault--it's just the harsh reality of popular culture.

If you don't want to hold onto the belief that you're not good enough, it's an uphill battle. The most rebellious thing you could do is be satisfied with your face and with your body and love yourself no matter what you look like. It's a mentality and a mindset to see yourself in the mirror and feel blessed that you have a working body that takes care of you, and all you need to do is take care of it in exchange. Outer beauty will never radiate unto others as much as your inner beauty does.

Let's back up for just a second. Why is popular culture making us feel uglier than we really are, when we actively (or passively) consume it? 

Well, according to the Oxford dictionary, popular culture is "culture based on the tastes of ordinary people rather than an educated elite." Here's a more elaborate definition if you're interested.

First off, okay WOW--that's kind of a shocking definition. Are you telling me that my perception of beauty is based off of an ordinary person's idea, rather than the ideas of someone who is educated and informed? Shouldn't a beautiful face or really good looking body be considered as a good thing? 

Well, your active or passive participation in these beauty ideals found on social media comes at a price.  

Whenever you actively participate and endorse popular cultural beauty standards, be it by liking, commenting, sharing, or saving them, you are more likely to start comparing yourself to these other people and feel shitty about yourself. Someone who is educated might understand how to psychologically navigate the cultural landscape of their surroundings and make more deliberate choices on how they perceive and act on various ideas of what "beauty" is and how it informs, or doesn't inform, their self-esteem (including self-worth, handling their ego, and so on).

You might also be passively participating in these popular cultural ideals if you're not careful; be it by following, stalking, scrolling through or just looking at visual content that you find represents "beauty." Even at the subconscious level, you are more likely to compare yourself to others and take mental notes than if you are aware of what you're consuming and are deliberately deciding on how you will behave before said content.

The good thing is that we have a whole range of people who exist and no two people are the same, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

Plus, chances are, you're cute and people think you're great. In any case, behind every social media influencer, model, or pretty face is a constructed reality that is staged. More often than not some physical or digital work done to get the "perfect" photo or video.

Even if that person isn't on social media but is someone you know or see in real life, it all goes back to how you choose to interact with your thoughts and self-talk. Create an inward environment where your internal dialogue helps you feel better, and therefore do better, in the long-run. Do not stoop down to a negative mentality/mindset, as it has not nor will do you no good...

Overall, beauty is INCREDIBLY SUBJECTIVE. Beliefs of what beauty is and looks like on social media can look way different from our own personal belief systems. Just because an idea of beauty is popular, doesn't mean it's the truth or somehow permanent. Beauty is always changing and evolving, and holding on to the belief that you're ugly will ultimately do you more harm than good.

If you needed to hear this, there are other people out there who need to hear this too. Do your part by expressing yourself in your truest form. Dare not to care about having the "perfect" face, body, or what have you. Be a role model to younger kids and just embrace the good, the bad, and the beautiful that has created YOU.

With love,
Madi

P.S., I totally needed someone to tell me this, and since I have the power to write and publish this, I chose to write it for the both of us. In other words, I need to hear this just as much as the next gal!